Today something I wanted to talk to you about was if we are programmed or not to be unhappy. What I mean by this is not that that we are programmed like robots or a computer exactly. It’s more that, what is normal, is being bombarded by ideas of how we should behave or be. For example, we should be skinny, or smart, or successful, or make a lot of money, or buy a house, or who knows what. The ideas in and of themselves about wanting to be skinny, or smart, successful, have money, or a house, or whatever are not bad. The problem in terms of attracting and manifesting what we want for our lives, is that if we are covered in the energy of should, or roles or feeling bad or not enough about ourselves, it blocks the things we want from coming in. It’s like creating a wall in our energy between what we want and what we are having. And this wall is real. Ironically, by identifying what we want, instead of what we ‘should’ be doing or ‘having’ it radically shifts everything.
For example, I see a lot of clients that feel like they ‘should’ have or be a certain way. Our should become so normal we don’t even see them! It takes days and times to reflect and practice on what in the world we see as a should. What are your shoulds? Do you feel you should be wealthier, happier, have more money, a better relationship, be smarter, younger looking? It almost doesn’t matter what it is. It is a way to put yourself down and feel you are not enough. Even if you can attain a certain state of enough-ness, it can’t and doesn’t last. This is because there is the sub-conscious continual undertone of, ‘shame.’ Shame is the arguably the most destructive emotion. It takes the magnificence of what you are and reduces and brings it down to something that is less than. Shame shrinks you. Another way of thinking of it, it’s kind of like having a beautiful, incredible, expansive energy and shame is the ingredient to make it smaller and smaller and smaller, only expanding itself as needed to survive. Shame makes us believe there is something wrong or bad about us. It changes the way we see ourselves and our place in the world.
But in terms of the law of attraction or manifestation, it is a way of saying “don’t come to me, I don’t deserve the things I want,” and it blocks them. For example, let’s say you are saying over and over to yourself, either consciously or unconsciously, “I should have a better job” it is very different than saying and claiming “I want a better job.” “I should” is putting yourself down. “I want” is owning and claiming your power and what you want.
Try to take an example and see how you feel when you say to yourself “I should x, y, z.” What do you think you ‘should’ be doing, feeling or experiencing? The experience of ‘should’ is the experience of shame, and in general we have trained ourselves to do this pretty well as a society and individuals. Now, take the ‘should’ and change it to ‘want’. How does this feel? I want you to try to do this right now, take a few things you feel ‘should’ be a certain way and change it to ‘want.’ How does this feel?
I recommend in terms of making more things happen in your life as you hope them to be, try to identify the ‘should’ or the roles you may be playing. Are you playing the role of a ‘good employee,’ or a ‘good wife’ or a ‘failure,’ or whatever? That role is not YOU. You are much greater than any role or any shame-based message or program you give yourself or others give you.
Sometimes it helps to think about what you want, and go in that direction. Noticing that the should and the roles are squeezing down the incredibleness of who and what you are into something much smaller. It’s like if you were 100 units of incredible energy and try to squeeze it down to 1-2 units of specific energy to fill a certain role or behavior.
In order to attract or manifest what you want and hope for, some of the first steps to this freedom are to start identifying any roles or shoulds you are participating in. And know they are not YOU in fact, it’s just a focus of concentration and a pattern of thinking. You are so much more than any role or any should.
This is Dr. Sara with Happiness Learned. I hope you enjoyed listening to this and I am here for you for any and all questions J Please feel free to reach out! I can be contacted at
www.drsaraspowart.com🙂 Wishing you all so much Love! Dr. Sara
