It can be helpful to remember that you are more than you think, and I mean this in a good way. You have the ability to increase your level of awareness no matter what your circumstance or condition. But first it helps to reflect on whether you feel you are the creator in your life or a consumer of your life situation. Are you consuming thoughts, ideas and beliefs or are you intentionally creating what you want to focus on in your life?
Is it possible that you are a creator that has been ‘fed’ (so to speak) a lot of programs and concepts throughout your life and maybe weren’t even aware of it? One of the most unfortunate things I come across is individuals not knowing how to dream or have hope, or rather, when I ask if you love yourself, having no idea what that means or being able to criticize themselves without effort.
What does it mean to be a creator? Does it mean you feel you are at fault for your life situation? Or does it mean you have more influence and power than your realize for how you view and experience things and what direction your life is going in? Are you a victim of your situation or a creator?
Although it hasn’t been generally viewed this way, I want to propose that being a victim involves a lot of moving parts. What do I mean by this? Well specifically that we can experience terrible, awful painful things happening in our lives or be a victim of a crime or abuse and have traumatic experiences that make us feel we have lost our power and our power is being taken away. I have experienced and been witness to many awful things in this life. I am not immune to it even though I would like to be lol but I have found an interesting thing that happens. When terrible, awful, horrible, not-so-good things happen, it can be and often is excruciatingly painful. In fact, it can seem like we are the only one that has ever experienced or been a victim to such terrible awful things.
I worked with victims of human trafficking, survivors of torture and severe abuse, kidnapping victims, refugees, victims of crime and sexual violence, etc. I have worked with clients with schizophrenia, severe expressions of PTSD, Personality Disorders, Bipolar, severe suicidal ideation, histories of suicide attempts, and just in general debilitating levels of trauma and mental illness.
What did I learn from all of this? Was it that they were all just big exaggerating or weaklings that couldn’t go over things? Were they incredible human beings that were some of the most intelligent, sensitive, evolved and developed people I’ve ever encountered? Did they attract the terrible things they experienced because of their thoughts, feelings and what they were putting into the world?
Well, I guess I would have to say none of the above. It was more complicated than this. When you are a victim of anything there is a process that is gone through, but the problem can be getting out of that loop. Also, if there’s anything I’ve learned about trauma it’s that it’s a highly individualized experience and recovery, if recovery is possible, takes many different shapes, approaches and forms. It’s not a one size fits all situation. One possible way of understanding it is to understand that it may be like having a somewhat peaceful life, or one where you have an idea or concept of how things will go. Sort of like a fish living in a fish bowl that has known a calm fish bowl and water and situation and all of a sudden, the fish bowl gets moved around a lot and a lot of water spills out and everything is moved around in a state of chaos and confusion. The water that is spilling out and all the movement that is happening is a new state of experience and all of a sudden, the fish may become aware that it doesn’t have the power and control over its environment that it thought it had. It may also become aware that all of a sudden, the fish bowl and the fish’s life can be at risk or destroyed unexpectedly. Truth be told, I don’t exactly know what a fish is thinking and feeling and experiencing. However, I can imagine and use my empathy to have a better idea and concept of the circumstances. Even insects have the instinct to survive and react when they sense danger. I am sure this is true of fish as well.
But my point here is really not about fish, it is rather about understanding trauma and why it becomes so hard to get out of the experience of it. How do we survive and get out of the victim state? How do we transition out of it and somehow grow to make the victim experience something of the past and no longer consuming us? One of the tragic things I’ve seen is that the traumas and the experience of victimization becomes an identity structure and something that is being clung to. Someone becomes afraid to let it go, or the emotions are so all consuming it becomes their main point of focus. However, this can turn into self-destructive and even eventually self-centered behaviors or covert narcissism.
Why does this matter? Why can’t you just stay attached to what has happened and the hurt?
When you get too attached to it, your identity becomes part of this and this can be harmful for attracting new things into your life, or changing your life in positive ways. The way we view ourselves has a very powerful impact on the direction our life goes. This does not mean to disregard hurt from the past. Rather, this means that we love ourselves so much that we want our life to be more than the things that have happened to us. We want to become even stronger as a result of the things we’ve endured and build resilience. This is how to shift out of the disempowering victim mindset, to finding the strength within yourself to create something better. Even if it’s just little bit by little bit everyday.
